The gathering called for the storyteller, and he did not answer. After a quick search of the woods (fearing a werewolf had dragged Ivan Exarch away) and of the data sphere, the adventurers were relieved to learn that their most honored storyteller was enjoying a quiet day at home. This was declared a forfeit, and The Volunteer was declared the winner-by-default of last week’s brutal battle for the Place of Honor.
Gathered together is that most honored hall were the following valiant souls:
- Spade is kind of like Ace, who is Spade’s half-brother. Spade is ¼Dragon, ¼Phoenix, ½Magic. Spade’s grandfather on his dragon-phoenix side is the first dragon, also known as the Lightening Dragon. The Dragon gives Spade iron-like skin. The Phoenix gives Spade to ability to come back to life. The Magic gives Spade the appearance of a human. Both the phoenix and the dragon give Spade more power in fire. He has the appearance of a 13-year-old human but is 1,859 years old. Spade’s memory of the past 1,846 years has vanished aside from a few scattered memories of his grandfather. He was fortunate to retain his magical skills although he does not recall how he came by them. Spade enjoys tossing fireballs and releasing souls from undead bodies. He is susceptible to water and cold. Water burns him, while cold slows him down. Ice is most damaging. Spade is cautious around humans but more outgoing than his half-brother, Ace. He is most comfortable around other magical beings.
- Zōngsè or 棕 色 goes by the Scottish translation of his name in Chinese. He’s a human with low damage output and fast reload. He carries med-packs and has cloaking abilities.
- Fade is Lord Maul’s left-hand man and a Titan. Fade has a rifle that can punch through armor, shields and people (meaning that you cannot use another person as a shield). He can also turn invisible and teleport. Unfortunately, he has a slow rate of fire and doesn’t do well in melee combat.
- Patty is a teenage spider, which means she was a teenager turned into a spider by a venomous bite. She can shoot webs and has her own venomous bite. Because she is not naturally a spider, but a human, she runs of out energy very quickly. She’s has a lot of issues and is out for blood.
- Layla is a knight and a ninja, who sometimes confuses which is which.
- Zane is a field medic with healing powers. He has a fondness for butterfly knives which he tends to cut himself with. All are advised to avoid shooting the medic.
- The Volunteer works at the lumber mill. His strength is his willingness to volunteer, but he is afraid of weapons that other people hold. He has a sword that he can hold by the blade.
- Steve Jobs who find strength in apples and his gobs of money, but is deeply disturbed by the low quality of goods found at Home Depot.
- Dark Souls III is unkindled ash.
The council next turned its attention to the choosing of the following week’s storyteller. In a near deadly battle of rock-paper-scissors-shoot, Fade bested Patty with two out of three wins. Patty did not bite Fade, although she wanted to.
Storyteller Volunteer speaks:
Volunteering is something I would know about. We have a villain. It’s this guy by the name of Chris Anderson. He’s a butcher who kind of also is the mayor of this town, somehow. He is trying to make the town into his own country. He’s not allowing the federal government and its services in. He’s calling this country Dearlandia.
We are the rebels. We don’t want to turn this town into a country. The mission is quite simple. We have to find Chris Anderson’s tax returns and show them to the federal government so that the feds will overrule his idea of making the town into his own country. Chris Anderson’s tax returns are hidden in a secret capital.
Chris Anderson doesn’t like Lord Maul since they gambled together in Vegas and caught the Chef cheating. Lord Maul is still in Vegas.
Today is a good day to die, and be revived!
As it turned out, Chris Anderson’s minions didn’t actually know where he had hidden his secret capital or his tax returns, but they valiantly defended multiple possible locations. This was successful in utterly confusing the rebels. However, the rebels did finally secure the tax returns when one of the minions betrayed Chris Anderson and handed over the files. Unfortunately, the rebels still needed to fight their way past the minions, a task at which they failed completely. All the rebels were slaughtered, and the minions recovered Chris Anderson’s tax returns.