There was a gathering in the cafeteria of Maul Corp. The most villainous of villainous minions were called, but unknown to Lord Maul the gathering had been infiltrated by a host of valorous rebels. This is what they have to report:

Gathered in the cafeteria, munching on enchiladas and sipping sodas, were the following overt and covert operatives:

1. Steve Jobs  who can heal people by throwing money at them but has an unfortunate tendency towards excessive bragging and overusing of his Apple ability.
2. Fairyboy, a fairy with beautiful wings, which are great for fluttering about but worthless for flying.
3. Kathra Darklord, a human warrior whose strength is his guns with superior technology and a fast rate of fire that will pierce through anything. Unfortunately, he thinks he’s superior to all and thus phrases requests as orders.
4. The Alchemist makes potions: healing, smoke, glitter bombs, and more. He is only an elf, but he has the antidote.
5. The human Medic has a healing pistol. His main weapon is high speed but also weak, dealing low damage to his enemies.  
6. Ahzadohl is a Titan and just one of Lord Maul’s many generals. Ahzadohl is telekinetic and has a huge gun. He is quite intimidating and too cool for everything.
7. Daniel Skyarch is a Dragon and Druid. He is, of course, very powerful but his pacifistic nature doesn’t let him harm anyone, even though he could. Although he can’t hurt anyone, he can use his powerful nature magic to prevent others from causing harm. Death magic needs to be quite powerful to counteract his life magic. He’s really tall and physically superior.
8. Pirate Vanessa Lockwood has stolen Layla the Knight Ninja’s weapons and sold her sword and shield on eBay for a bigger ship. She is easily distracted by shiny objects.
9. Chronala has a knack for constantly narrating things. Chronola would tell the people his strengths and his weaknesses. Chronola notes that he has two special weaknesses, including people beating Chronola up for his constant narrating. Chronola eventually got sick of his own voice and stopped talking, even if it was the most important thing in the history of everything.
10. Macey the Ghost cannot be killed but also cannot kill anyone else. She taunts people and enriches any story.
11. Alex the Angel’s strength is his confidents dabs, which is a fancy way of sneezing. He is quite proud of this skill. His weakness is pirates because it just gets wiggier; he can’t help but be a pirate.
12. Eden Space is a space soldier and an augmented human who mainly fights demons. He’s faster and stronger than a normal human but he’s still a novice.
13. There was also someone who did not know who he was. We will speak of it no more.

The medic set down his enchilada and stepped up onto the table to loudly nominate Eden Space for the honor of Storyteller of Fall LARP #4. Before Eden Space could accept this honor, Macey the Ghost stepped forward challenge. Being reasonable sorts, a compromise was quickly reached with all parties agreeing that Macey the Ghost will be our storyteller with Eden Space providing back up should Macey the Ghost get trapped in another dimension.

Storyteller Medic speaks

The Medic and Storyteller than declared, “Do we want to get this story started or what?! If you keep talking, I’ll shoot you.”

Maul Corp almost demised last week. I think you all recall that massacre. Thus Maul Corp has activated three bombs throughout the country. If not deactivated, these bombs will spread a cybernetic zombie virus. The rebels must locate and disarm the bombs.

Our intelligence reports that the bombs can be found at the following secret bases:

1. The Armory. It will take the rebels 3 earth minutes to disarm this bomb — unless they are killed by Lord Maul’s minions. If the rebels are killed, they must return to The Hopping Horse to be revived.
2. The Field of Reckoning. It will take the rebels 5 earth minutes to disarm this bomb — unless they are killed by Lord Maul’s minions. If the minions are killed, the must return to the World Serpent’s Missing Heart to be revived.
3. The World Serpent’s Missing Heart: It will take the rebels 7 earth minutes to disarm this bomb — unless they are killed by Lord Maul’s minions.

The rebels have only 30 earth minutes to defuse all 3 bombs. If the rebels succeed in doing so, then Lord Maul’s minions will no longer be able to revive.

It is a good day to die … and be revived.

Sadly, the rebels failed and were zombified. Zombies are known for their lack of interest in weaponry, so the rebels were also weaponless. Lord Maul’s minions had to survive this zombie horde for 15 earth minutes until their transporter recharged to maximum and could send them all safely home.

Although the virus was activated, the rebels were healing. After 3 minutes, they regained one of their life powers, after another 5 minutes, they regained all of their original abilities.

The Alchemist had a cure for the zombie virus, but no one was cured. This was just as well, as once cured, the former Zombies would have fought with Lord Maul’s minions, just so they could survive the Zombie Apocalypse. If the pacifist had been cured, he could have returned the zombies to their original lifeforms. Fortunately for Lord Maul’s minions, Zombies are easily outrun and so they easily evaded them until they were ready to teleport home.

In the hall of halls were gathered the valiant and brave:

1. Ace, the ¼ Dragon – ¼ Phoenix – ½ Human Hybrid Spawn of Death was in a battle, shouting commands over his shoulder, when a very short Ent decided to clothesline him with his arm. This Ent was working with Lord Maul and gave Ace a mild concussion.
2. The Sniper has excellent aim and jarate (jar-based karate) but is often mistaken for a camper. His species is “Australian.”
3. Steve Jobs has short term memory loss and gobs of money. No, he doesn’t. Wait, what? He has no idea.
4. The Elf Warrior Scout has just arrived in Dragonwood. He has great skill with a sword but is occasionally distracted by things in the natural world.
5. The Warrior heard that Ace got run over by a horse, which was not the real story. It turned out it was just rumors from Walter Anderson on Fakebook News. The Warrior is from another dimension, but he doesn’t want to fight anymore because he doesn’t think it is worth it. He also thinks that oranges are disgusting and should be banned from all dimensions and that people should explore the world because in a couple of dimensions the world is the only planet that there is.
6. The Elf is strong in potions but has a weakness for hugs.
7. Blank is skilled at cloaking however, he can only run (or sprint or jog or stand still). He is unable to move slowly.

Having greeted their fellows, the merry band now turned their attention to the battle of the polls!

Blank put himself forward as a candidate for Storyteller. The others were so terrified that no one dared to challenge, so Blank was quickly given the honor of Storyteller for Fall LARP #3.

Storyteller Sniper speaks

Then The Sniper spoke, and all hushed to hear every word of The Storyteller: The Sniper is siding with Lord Maul, and so we will have a quest with an objective, but that goal will not a pool noodle that looks like a giant Nerf bullet. No, we are seeking for Australium. It is found in Australia. Lord Maul wants it because it does stuff. There are spiders in Australia, but they are not the minions of Lord Maul. The Rebels, led by The Warrior, do not want Lord Maul to get the Australium because they like it themselves because it is shiny. The Australium is being protected.

The minions, led by The Sniper, are off to find the Australium. The rebels are going to stop them.

It’s a good die to day … and be revived!

Somehow the minions were able to teleport to the Australium thus arriving well before the rebels. The rebels arrived just as the minions left the Australium’s location. A battle commenced. Although the rebels rushed up to aid their commander, the rebel leader was quickly slain. The minions than fled with the rebels following behind them. Despite the Rebel’s fleetness of foot, the minions reached Lord Maul’s fortified transport vehicle and deposited the Australium on it. It was quickly sent away to Lord Maul. Unfortunately, at this point, Ace collapsed from the strain and the Scribe dragged his limp body back to the Hopping Horse, so this all we know about this saga.

The gathering called for the storyteller, and he did not answer. After a quick search of the woods (fearing a werewolf had dragged Ivan Exarch away) and of the data sphere, the adventurers were relieved to learn that their most honored storyteller was enjoying a quiet day at home. This was declared a forfeit, and The Volunteer was declared the winner-by-default of last week’s brutal battle for the Place of Honor.

Gathered together is that most honored hall were the following valiant souls:

1. Spade is kind of like Ace, who is Spade’s half-brother. Spade is ¼Dragon, ¼Phoenix, ½Magic. Spade’s grandfather on his dragon-phoenix side is the first dragon, also known as the Lightening Dragon. The Dragon gives Spade iron-like skin. The Phoenix gives Spade to ability to come back to life. The Magic gives Spade the appearance of a human. Both the phoenix and the dragon give Spade more power in fire. He has the appearance of a 13-year-old human but is 1,859 years old. Spade’s memory of the past 1,846 years has vanished aside from a few scattered memories of his grandfather. He was fortunate to retain his magical skills although he does not recall how he came by them. Spade enjoys tossing fireballs and releasing souls from undead bodies. He is susceptible to water and cold. Water burns him, while cold slows him down. Ice is most damaging. Spade is cautious around humans but more outgoing than his half-brother, Ace. He is most comfortable around other magical beings.
2. Zōngsè or 棕 色 goes by the Scottish translation of his name in Chinese. He’s a human with low damage output and fast reload. He carries med-packs and has cloaking abilities.
3. Fade is Lord Maul’s left-hand man and a Titan. Fade has a rifle that can punch through armor, shields and people (meaning that you cannot use another person as a shield). He can also turn invisible and teleport. Unfortunately, he has a slow rate of fire and doesn’t do well in melee combat.
4. Patty is a teenage spider, which means she was a teenager turned into a spider by a venomous bite. She can shoot webs and has her own venomous bite. Because she is not naturally a spider, but a human, she runs of out energy very quickly. She’s has a lot of issues and is out for blood.
5. Layla is a knight and a ninja, who sometimes confuses which is which.
6. Zane is a field medic with healing powers. He has a fondness for butterfly knives which he tends to cut himself with. All are advised to avoid shooting the medic.
7. The Volunteer  works at the lumber mill. His strength is his willingness to volunteer, but he is afraid of weapons that other people hold. He has a sword that he can hold by the blade.
8. Steve Jobs who find strength in apples and his gobs of money, but is deeply disturbed by the low quality of goods found at Home Depot.
9. Dark Souls III is unkindled ash.

The council next turned its attention to the choosing of the following week’s storyteller. In a near deadly battle of rock-paper-scissors-shoot, Fade bested Patty with two out of three wins. Patty did not bite Fade, although she wanted to.

Storyteller Volunteer speaks:

Volunteering is something I would know about. We have a villain. It’s this guy by the name of Chris Anderson. He’s a butcher who kind of also is the mayor of this town, somehow. He is trying to make the town into his own country. He’s not allowing the federal government and its services in. He’s calling this country Dearlandia.

We are the rebels. We don’t want to turn this town into a country. The mission is quite simple. We have to find Chris Anderson’s tax returns and show them to the federal government so that the feds will overrule his idea of making the town into his own country. Chris Anderson’s tax returns are hidden in a secret capital.

Chris Anderson doesn’t like Lord Maul since they gambled together in Vegas and caught the Chef cheating. Lord Maul is still in Vegas.

Today is a good day to die, and be revived!

As it turned out, Chris Anderson’s minions didn’t actually know where he had hidden his secret capital or his tax returns, but they valiantly defended multiple possible locations. This was successful in utterly confusing the rebels. However, the rebels did finally secure the tax returns when one of the minions betrayed Chris Anderson and handed over the files. Unfortunately, the rebels still needed to fight their way past the minions, a task at which they failed completely. All the rebels were slaughtered, and the minions recovered Chris Anderson’s tax returns.

Both Zane and the Alien volunteered to be the current week’s storyteller. A brutal rock-paper-scissors battle commenced to to choose between the competing storytellers. There was initial confusion over the start, but it was decided that the count would be “Rock, paper, scissors, shoot” with the warriors choice made on “shoot.” While the initial agreement was best-two-out-of three, the battle went into sudden-death overtime and was finally settled in Zane’s favor with three-out-of-five wins.

Our next challenger for the honor of Storyteller for the following week were the Alien and Ivan Exarch. That was won handily by Ivan Exarch with two out of three wins.

The council then turned its attention to the valiant gathering. In attendance in that most honored hall were

1. Victor, a raccoon that can fly but likes candy too
2. Layla, a knight and a ninja, who sometimes confuses which is which.
3. Popcorn, a stealthy bunny who can fit into small spaces and pop out unexpectedly but who is, obviously, driven insane by bad country rap music.
4. Ivan Exarch, a rock star magician with a guitar battle ax. His enchanted music can hypnotize people, but he will flee when confronted with horrible music, such as bad country rap.
5. Alien, the leader of the 8th army of the 7 aliens races and colonies (a federation whose name he has forgotten). He is an engineer who likes marbles at which he is really good so good that it makes people’s minds explode. Unfortunately, DC current is fatal to him.
6. An unknown being, possibly a wisp.
7. Samuel Traveleer Vortalinpolance, a grand master wizard from another world who’s come to Dragonwood to observe. He can do pretty much what he wants, but he’s stored his magic in a crystal that he keeps on his person at all times, and he can’t really influence the life stories of the other adventurers all that much.
8. Steve Jobs who find strength in apples and his gobs of money, but is deeply disturbed by the low quality of goods found at Home Depot.
9. Lightning is a half-dragon/half-hum with lots of powers and weaknesses. He is a skilled fighter and spell caster especially when faced with apple power, but he is vulnerable to falling, water and explosions.
10. Mr. Happy can control water and solve a Rubik’s cube but doesn’t have a sword.
11. Gradivas is a Titan and Lord Maul’s right-hand man, expect sort of not. He’s been highly augmented to do grievous hurt in battle but his sub-dermal armor back plates will separate when to reveal gaps — so be sure to stab him in the back. He has a mass driver and a vortex shield that deflects projectiles, returning them to their source with the average force of those fired into it.   
12. Spike is a demon cat with a weakness for pizza and yarn. He can walk through fire, and sometimes it will give him more strength.
13. Ace is a ¼ dragon, ¼ phoenix, and ½ human hybrid who is 10 feet tall but can shrink down to 6 feet, 5 inches using his powerful magic. He is immune to fire and heat but water and cold can hurt him. His great²⁴-grandfather, Death, has a nasty habit of possessing him.
14. Zane is a field medic with healing powers. He has a fondness for butterfly knives which he tends to cut himself with. All are advised to avoid shooting the medic.
15. A human with bullet-proof armor and the ability to teleport and respawn. Unfortunately his armor doesn’t cover his entire body.
16. Augustus Finch the 31st of Fictionstein in China, an American who good aim and an extensive arsenal of guns. He can medically revive others, but is very short.
17. Doctor Scientist is a very smart human who arrived late because he found a journal which he had to study. More about that to be revealed later. (Does it contain the clues needed to defeat Lord Maul?)

Storyteller Zane speaks:

The group set out to rescue someone from prison. Someone from the Resistance: Ivan Exarch. Ivan has information about taking out Lord Maul’s corporation. Augustus Finch the 31st of Fictionstein in China is working for Lord Maul, so the good guys took Victor Raccoon hostage and sacrificed a goat. There was a helicopter, but no one saw it.

Ivan Exarch was able to escape easily and frequently as his jailer and guard Spike was a traitor to the true cause of Maul shopping. There was a huge battle between Maul’s evil army and the Resistance. Doctor Scientist watched a teammate die slowly, taking notes for a future paper. Publish or perish! No one won because both sides retreated. However, Steve Jobs, Ace and Gravidas saved the day and forced the Resistance to retreat, utterly destroying them. The Resistance issued a press release praising their decision to withdraw as they had achieved a total victory.

There were two LARPs on August 10. One at Fantasy Flight Games Center where we raised our tankards of butterbeer and traded stories of valor.

Another took place in Dragonwood. Here is their story, as recounted by a brave soul:

It all started with aliens – crazy aliens in fact — that took over earth, ruled for some time until there was a  force, a weird reality tv show called So You Think You Can Dance Battle Akin Edition.

We came to celebrate by feasting on food, until a monster invaded over and closed the wold with fire.

Then there was debate, years later, over who should rule after the tragic fire. (The humans took rule again because the aliens got bored of earth and left )

Once the ruler was chosen, there was rebellion to the new ruler’s dismay. So the two Queens ran away to start a new land of peace but that did not work out very well so, that ended in death for most of them.

We have agreed to spend the first part of Summer LARP #8 establishing an overarching storyline that will guide all our future LARPs. (Or at least until we decide to hold another gathering to choose a new overarching storyline.) Included in this choice will be the selection of a Boss — a local misguided unfortunate who is also very dangerous and very powerful and who may direct assorted minions to torment and harass the LARPers — or perhaps recruit some LARPers to serve as minions!

Ace wishes to remind everyone to read the overall established guidelines at hsadventures.org/larp, as many suggestions from last week post-bee-battle are already included in our LARP Guidelines, including the importance of having a well-balanced character. While Dragonwood is a nexus for interdimensional portals and thus hosts a wide range of beings, it simply isn’t fun for anyone else to battle against someone who is invincible. (Although, we usually make an exception for younger siblings under the age of 7 years.)

Weather gremlins sent heavy rains, flooding the low-lying areas of Dragonwood. Fearing that one of their number might be swept away or eaten by a fish on the path, the brave adventurers retreated to the higher ground of Fantasy Flight where they discussed the local lore of Dragonwood, dutifully recorded by an apprenticed scribe.

• Character Development Guidelines
• The Realm of Dragonwood
• Lord Maul
• The Storyteller
• A query from the Apprenticed Scribe on the nature of the LARP

Ace, the dragon-phoenix-human hybrid, soared into Dragonwood, a few minutes late. He landed on the grassy knoll and pulled the blue flame banner from his bag. He hoped that his new clients would see the flame and join him soon. Ace had recently opened a travel agency, renting space at the Hopping Horse from Zaroth the Bar Keep. He was eager for his first tour group to arrive.

It was not long before Thomas, who had grown up on a pirate ship, arrived with the half-human/half-elf Lizzy. Soon they were joined by the human-dragon-morph Lightning and Sonny, a very responsible human boy who likes to play in his free time and go on adventures. Ace rolled up his sleeves, picked up his banner and headed out at the lead for a grand tour of Dragonwood.

The tour visited the Field of Reckoning, Hidden Trail, Troll Road, Leaches Pass, Blue Gnome Hill, Pigs Hollow, the Path of Destruction, and stopped at the Armory where the group practiced their swords skills in the training facilities. Unfortunately, Ace killed his clients, Lightning, and Sonny. Fortunately, despite the lack of any medics, they both revived.

Lightning developed a winning strategy. He went into a small castle and hid in a small space with holes. Whenever Ace tried to strike him, Lightning could block him easily with his sword. When Ace tried to enter the castle, Sonny fended him off. However, they both died anyway. Except for the one time that Sonny killed Ace.

While they were dueling, they saw some green zombies burning in the field, ignited by the burning sun of Dragonwood.

There was a war between the heroes and the villains.

“HEY! Who said we were villains!”

The HEROES stayed on one part of the island known as the Kingdom or the City. The villains (“HEY!”) went to the other part of the island on the outskirts of the City. Fisherman, Lightning, and Himself were dragged off by evil spirits never to be seen again.

Both heroes and villains (“Excuse me!!”) devised plans. As the villains (“NOT!”) approached the heroes, they took formation.

Doctor Sille was once a villain who had became a hero. This world renowned biowarfare expert (and creator of the Mutalis virus which mutates creatures into zombie-like monsters) now provided the heroes with horse tranquilizers. The heroes used these to knocked out the villains (“WE were not the villains!”). However, in the battle, Doctor Sille lost an arm to gunfire. Fortunately, field medic Lieutenant Dan was on hand to repair the damage — and also to use his deadly aim to tranquilize nearly everyone, including at least one other hero.

The heroes now went all the way down to one villain (“That’s libel!”) that was still moving, but they shot him as well. The heroes then brought all the unconscious villains (“Stop it!”) to jail: Sylvia the Princess with a scarred face. She had been was betrayed so often that the darkness had consumed her and turned her villainous (“Hey!”). Janis had been trying to help the her friend the dark princess, but was tranquilized by a horse. Agatha had been a thief and a rebel all her life but now there was a bounty of her head for her villainous (“Well …”) crimes. Ace had been possessed by an villainous spirit (“Okay.”). Also on the ground was the assassin Edward Kenway, a hero and one of the main leaders of one of the sides, but he doesn’t always remember which.

An alien ranked number 112 (name unknown) landed there. People tried to kill, so it left. That is its side of this story.

Scoutbird slept through the LARP, spectating in his dreams.

It was a sunny day with a brisk wind. The adventurers gathered to discuss their options as they had been offered several possible missions for the day. Present at the gathering were Ace the Dragon-Phoenix-Human Hybrid, AG1O5 the Experimental Sentient Android, Zane the Field Medic, Link the Hero of Time, Clyde the Assassin I-Mean-Messenger, Jarg the Innkeeper, Scoutbird the Demigod, Bacon the Delicious, Mr. C and a Small but Very Brave Knight.

Ace’s dragon stomach growled. So did Ace. The rest of the merry band fled in fear, especially Bacon. Ace devoured dragon handfuls of innocent anchovies, procured from Jarg. Ace felt much better … and much calmer. But during the time he was eating, five of the adventurers had been assassinated. Clyde had nothing to do with it! Bacon knew who the assassin was, but he kept his own council. All five of the unfortunate were magically and stealthily revived by Zane, who had a pistol.

AG1O5 is capable of things a human cannot do. AG1O5 refers to anyone who is not a robot as “Squishy.” One  “Squishy,” aka Link, was acting erratically. Something appeared to be wrong with his programming, so AG1O5 opened fire. It was the logical response. Link responded with time warping speed, so fast he was almost hit by the gun not the bullet. AG1O5 backed up. He reran the diagnostics. Link’s programming appeared to be reset.

Ace was captured. He remembers nothing of that time.

Then the zombie apocalypse happened. It lasted 3 minutes. Bacon declared, “Instead of zombies eating me, I eat them.” That sums it up.

Scoutbird, in the form of an abnormally large bluejay, will carry messages and do reconnaissance work in exchange for shiny things and crackers. To summon him, say, “Scoutbird, I need you, so get over here.” Scoutbird found a stash of rupees. He was happy.

Without warning, out of the local tavern, a turtle tank burst forth and attacked everyone. The turtle tank was a fearsome two-headed monster that breathed fire and nerf bullets. It had four arms and swung its sword with deadly accuracy. In spite of its power and size, it was outnumbered by brave warriors and was thus quickly defeated. It limped away to tend its wounds and plot revenge.

The adventures decided to get their skill up in case the monster returned and engaged in a friendly game of capture the flag to hone their combat and stealth skills.